I really don't like talking about what's REALLY wrong. So, I can be in the middle of a conversation with someone, that turns into a disagreement. The person I am disagreeing with will obviously assume I'm angry because of whatever we're disagreeing about, but at least 85% of the time, that's not it at all. Either something else happened in that conversation that set me off, or something else entirely unrelated is bothering me, or a series of things are building, and I lash out without explaining what's really up. I know I do this. I know it seems like I get upset over really insignificant circumstances, but that's not ever what i'm upset about at all. I need to get better at this.
I also let things build. I let everything in my life build, and I avoid it all. I use my sense of humor to make light of everything, and just let the issues grow and eat at me until I breakdown. Literally. I have my infamous breakdowns. You would think it would be easier to just deal with things as they come. But I somehow still try to believe that everything will just improve and get better if I just keep pushing through it and staying positive. Dumb. I'm easily overwhelmed, so this doesn't help anything.
I push people away when things get rough. Part of me thinks that once things reach a certain level, I just need to deal with everything myself. Therefore I push everyone that means anything to me away. I don't know why, because that's obviously when I need these people the most. Maybe it's a defense mechanism. Or maybe part of me just hopes that someone will care enough to push back. Who knows.
I have a screwed up way of dealing with life. I should probably work on this. Time, I suppose.
You're not dumb....I don't see anything wrong with keeping positive and pushing through. I think a lot of people push things away...it's easier that way rather than reaching out for help. I definitely can relate to that.
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