Trying to identify the voices in my head. God, which one's you?

I'm constantly battling with the concept of faith and religion. I feel like people have made religion such a straight forward, there's an answer for everything, black and white topic. But I have a hard time accepting that that's the way it is supposed to be. What if we're actually not supposed to have all of the answers? What if the unknown is the unknown for a reason? I highly doubt that God would be too thrilled with what we've done to religion. How religion has becomed a cult. How religion has created hate and tension. How churches will turn on their own, and how judgmental they've become.  Isn't that the complete opposite from what religion was meant to be? People are becoming pro religion and anti God.

It actually sickens me how people will simply believe whatever their church or "religion" tell them to believe. How people rarely think for themselves anymore. I mean, come on! Research and think for yourself. It's OK to question your own beliefs.

So in conclusion, I believe. I believe in God. I believe in praying. I believe in peace and kindess. I believe God is about compassion, mercy, and especially love and forgiveness. I believe there is more to life than what we can see. I believe that we are not meant to have all of the answers. I also believe that God holds all of those answers, and that's the way it should be. I have my beliefs, and I'm still trying to figure out what it is I definitely believe in. But what I do know in definite, is that I am not religious. but I am spiritual.

100 things you did not know about me..until now.

This will probably take me a ridiculous amount of time to complete. Here we go.

1. I'm overly sarcastic. A lot of the time it's completely out of place and I have to hold back.
2. I have a slightly unhealthy obsession with the band Lifehouse. They keep me sane.
3. I have an almost equally unhealthy obsession with the band SafetySuit.
4. I let my feelings and problems build up and then I explode with a mental beakdown.
5. Music is really important to me.
6. There's actually nothing I love more than my nieces and nephews.
7. I really, really like my family.
8. I subconsciously believe that every police officer has a disturbing secret and really aren't that awesome of a person.
9. I generally expect very little from people.
10. I'm addicted to coffee.
11. I really, really love Nirvana.
12. One of the only things I'm actually good at is taking care of babies and small children.
13. I have no patience for mean people.
14. I have no gallbladder.
15. Jodi Picoult is my favorite author.
16. I often question my sanity.
17. I would love to be a tour manager.
18. I stress out about the future.
19. At least once a day I think of something else I could have done to have changed the past.
20. One of my bestest friends lives in Montreal.
21. My nose is pierced.
22. I have a really high pain tolerance.
22. Needles don't bother me.
23. Gilmore Girls is one of my favorite shows.
24. Chick Flicks make me smile.
25. I catch myself talking to my cat way too often.
26. I hate waking up before I'm ready to wake up.
27. I think really deeply.
28. I care too much.
29. I'm awful at math.
30. I want to travel.
31. I also want to live out of Washington State.
32. I have a really awesome memory, but typically for insignificant things.
33. I feel uncomfortable speaking to people I don't spend a lot of time with.
34. I love flavored redbull.
35. I always have a song stuck in my head.
36. I wish I could play an instrument.
37. I love hair dye.
38. I usually never sleep well.
39. I'm really jumpy/easily startled.
40. I often speak before I think.
41. I go through random times where I really wish I had a kid.
42. I can't believe I just said that. ^
43. I ALWAYS wear my Lifehouse bracelet and my bracelet Chloe made me.
44. I've been obsessed with avocado lately.
45. I love chocolate.
46. I'd love to live in California, Nashville, or Boston.
47. I'm ashamed that I love the show Dexter.
48. There's almost nothing I love doing more than having sister time. Whether that's with my actual sister or sister inlaw.
49. I love having movie nights with my family.
50. People misinterpret me all the time for being mean, harsh, or that I don't care. I actually always care, I'm just really defensive.
51. Daughtry and SafetySuit are going on tour together. I don't have a date yet, but I still constantly think, talk, and daydream about that show.
52. I love concerts. A lot.
53. I love to sing. I don't care if I suck.
54. I apply deodorant several times a day because I hate the feeling of not having any on.
55. I love helping people.
56. There are several things I strongly believe in.
57. I'm also strongly opinionated.
58. Due to above fact, I can be a little harsh/overly honest sometimes.
59. Lately I've been in a constant battle between logic and fear. All in my head.
60. I over analyze everything.
61. I love boots.
62. I would rather sleep in an extra hour than take that time to actually fix my hair.
63. I have a ridiculous amount of music memorabilia.
64. I need more hobbies.
65. I'm easily pleased.
66. I laugh a lot.
67. I love it when my family/siblings get together. They rock.
68. I wish I didn't love Starbucks as much as I do.
69. I love coffee ice cream.
70. I hate my voice.
71. Auto tune makes me angry.
72. Clutter and messiness freaks me out. Depending on where it is.
73. I'm decently organized.
74. Ryan Gosling is an amazing actor.
75. I love Kurt Cobain.
76. I also love Dave Grohl.
77. I broke my arm in the 3rd grade.
78. I've had pneumonia at least 5 times.
79. I met Lifehouse on March 5th, 2011.
80. I'm not easily offended.
81. This is getting difficult to complete.
82. I have trust issues.
83. I like history.
84. I'm really bad at keeping up with my nails.
85. I listen to a huge variety of music.
86. I abuse the power of google.
87. I've watched every season of American Idol.
88. I don't know how I'd survive without my sense of humor.
89. I constantly feel conflicted with faith and religion.
90. I always procrastinate getting my eyebrows waxed.
91. I day dream quite a bit.
92. I really dislike repeating myself.
93. I'm a fantastic listener.
94. I can also be a fantastic friend, if people give me a chance.
95. I doodle.
96. I like to cook.
97. I'm relieved this is almost over.
98. I really like Seattle.
99. I hate the unknown.
100. I despise Twilight.

There is, in fact, no cure for Emilyitus.

I'm a little crazy. Ok, I'm a lot crazy. I've always been under the impression that there without a doubt must be something wrong with me. Completely incomplete. Like there was always something missing.  I always feel as if there is a floodgate of thoughts pouring into my neurotic brain, and I can't keep up. My thoughts are always so jumbled and overwhelming. I find myself regularly stuck in my own thoughts.
Some time ago, I decided that I must find a cure. To cure my brain. You name it, I took it. Abilify, Cymbalta, Zoloft, Lexapro, Lithium, and various others,(Those drugs are nothing but pharmaceutical money maker pills, and serve no benefit to the actual consumer, by the way.) to only feel more insane than I felt originally. How discomforting.

One day, while I was in the midst of taking an assortment of these mind game pills, I had an epiphany. These pills were in no way helping me. In fact, the only thing they were doing was poisoning my completely functional brain with drugs it most certainly did not need. I realized that I was completely avoiding and dismissing the fact that my brain was going to be a little screwed up giving my current life situations and struggles that I was attempting to live through. I was subconsciously trying to avoid the fact that there were things I needed to work out with my self, and blamed my problems on my brain, and in result turned to medication to fix me.

So, just like that I quit taking the pills. All at once, cold turkey. Never in my life have I felt so physically miserable. I was shaky, sweaty, dizzy, and experienced what are commonly called "brain zaps". I was miserable. I think that physical illness really made me realize what I was ingesting was doing to my brain. How dependent of these drugs my brain had become. When I could barely stand up or walk without getting a brain zap, which is more painful than it sounds, made it quite obvious that these drugs had been nothing but bad news for me. This awful withdrawl stage lasted several days. It sucked.

I haven't taken a mental health drug since. I have come to terms that I'm strange. And that's ok. I still get lost in my thoughts. I still get overwhelmed from my thoughts. I still think way too deeply and over analyze everything. I still suffer from having my thoughts and how I think being polar opposite from what I actually say or do. My words still don't come out right. I'm a way better person in my head than I am out loud. But you know, that must just be who I am and may always be. There is no cure to Emilyitus.

Change up

This was orignally a music blog. A blog about nothing other than music. I attempted to start another blog to post about random nonsense that I think of, but having two blogs is just too confusing. So I decided to make this blog multi purposed. I will still review all things music, and will try to keep on with New Music Monday, but I will also be posting about other random things. My thoughts and craziness will be shared here now as well. Enjoy.

A must see tour.

I've come to the conclusion that concerts and touring is definitely music related. Therefore, I have no choice but to make a semi fan girl post about an up and coming tour.

The band Daughtry is headlining their "Break The Spell" tour, and to great surprise are taking SafetySuit with out with them! Now, SafetySuit and Daughtry happen to both be in my top 3 favorite bands, so to have them touring together is extremely exciting.

Daughtry goes all out when they tour. Chris' vocals are always phenomenal, Josh Paul busts out a bass solo, their lights are always spectacular, their set is perfect, and they always make every show personal. I've personally seen them in concert once, and it was one of the best days of my life. They really put on a great show.

The band SafetySuit has more energy than anybody, or any band I have ever seen. From start to finish there's never a dull moment. They go all out for their shows as well. They're amazing at synchronizing their dance moves and jumps, and they're constantly moving. They sound better live than they do recorded. AMAZING live band.

In summary, you must, I repeat, you MUST see the Break The Spell tour! It's going to be magnificent! I promise you, these bands will not disappoint!

Tonight is the night is the night....

Get out of my head!!!!!!! "Tonight Is The Night" by OutaSight has been in my head all day. And it's not even an awesome song. It's totally catchy, sure, but the lyrics are actually dumb. It makes no sense and has no purpose other than getting stuck in your HEAD. I keep singing it! "If everybody goooo". 

When one of your favorite bands goes #1, you get excited. (picture taken shortly after the album release date back in January)

Loss consuming my thoughts and feelings.

I have been living in extreme nostalgia and minor depression the past 3 days due to the passing of the incredible Kurt Cobain of Nirvana. Yeah, surprising to some, I love Nirvana. OK, I know that this depression is coming 17 years too late, but I now have the ability to appreciate what Nirvana brought to the world. Kurt Cobain was an INCREDIBLE person, with more talent than most current musicians have today. That man could sing. He could sing in a way that it would impact you were. His voice is capable of piercing my soul and reaching me on a level a lot of music can't. Not only was Mr. Cobain an incredible musician, he was also an amazing person. He loved. He loved people. He loved music. He cared about everybody. He has quotes that still live on today. Quotes that I keep in my subconscious memory.  It breaks my heart to know how ill he was. I wish with everything in me that he would have gotten better, and would still be here today. It's absolutely insane to think that he grew up in Aberdeen. So, so close. So much talent from so close. Kurt Cobain will always be a musician I'll love. And hopefully I'll get over this heavy heart I have for his loss, especially considering it happened so long ago.

The Fray manages to prove me wrong with their new album, "Scars And Stories".

I know, I know. I just had a blog about The Fray's latest single, "Heartbeat". But now their new album, "Scars And Stories" is out and I must say, I'm thoroughly impressed. I knew without a doubt that this album was going to be good. I knew that there would be songs I would personally relate to, and would probably play over and over. But I had no idea how far they would push themselves sonically with their 3rd album. As I said in my previous post, The Fray likes to stick to the same formula and tends to not experiment with sound. Which is fine to an extent. I totally get that as a band once you figure out what works for you, you stick with it. But also, as a band you MUST experiment with your sound and you must evolve. Re-duplicating an album over and over again won't do anything for you. Every album should be its own entity, and should be treated as a new slate. Well, The Fray definitely took that state of mind with them to the studio this go around. "Scars And Stories" is incredible. They really did experiment with their sound, and made music that was completely out of their element. I'm super proud of them, and am so excited that they proved me wrong. I expected this album to be similar to their previous two, but I was dead wrong. I haven't discovered "the song" yet though with my first listen through, which is a bummer. Hopefully one of the songs will really grab me with my next listen. Check out "Scars And Stories" NOW!

4/5 Stars!